To say this past school year went by without any major bumps would probably be the biggest lie in my entire life. This past school year was rough, to the point where it was effecting my health: physically, mentally, and emotionally.
If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you probably noticed that I took a HUGE hiatus this school year; and, I sincerely apologize for doing that to you guys. There were just too many things going on that made me doubt every decision and step I took.
Let’s take it a semester at a time:
[ F A L L ]
This past fall semester will probably be the worst semester I will ever have in my college career. For starters, I had both anatomy and physiology I, and organic chemistry I in the same semester. However, that wasn’t what got me: for the most part.
For some freaking reason, 4 out of 5 exams were all on the same week, back to back: A&P being mid-week and ochem the very last. My confidence level, this semester, just plummeted. I felt so overwhelmed and stressed that I deeply considered changing my major, and my entire career path.
The stress became too much to handle that I broke out in eczema patches, rashes, and dandruff, which I haven’t had since I was a little girl. The stress got so bad, that I lost about 6 pounds in less than a month, and relapsed with my stress-induced anxiety. It was that bad.
I remember being sad all the time, crying every week, and just expressing how bad I was feeling to everyone I talked to. I wasn’t the best person to be around this semester. Poor Colin had to deal with me through all of this. There were times where I had to pull over while driving because my stress and panic filled thoughts got the best of me. There was a lot of crying and deep heart to heart conversations with Colin – overall, just a lot of love, support, and hugs from him. I am so grateful to have him in my life because he just helps me stay sane by reminding me that, in the moment, I’m making the bad seem worse and ignoring the good.
Throughout the semester, I got better slowly, but to this day, it still bothers me how bad I just performed and how bad I let my stress and anxiety take over. I made the executive decision to just forget about ochem, and just focus on A&P because it’s what I really need for PT school. This helped to lighten the load, but if I could go back, I would’ve just withdrawn the class when I had the chance. My GPA would be at a better spot if I did.
Overall, I did my best, and once the semester ended, I felt a little better, even though my GPA dropped significantly. I started working out regularly to keep my stress levels low, and tried to not focus on my constant sadness about my grades, and what not. Throughout winter break, I was able to recharge, rest, and eat properly; however, I have not been able to back the weight I lost.
[ S P R I N G ]
The spring semester was all-around a way better semester for me. I really took Colin, and everyone’s, advice to heart. Many advisors told me that I’m about average, and that I shouldn’t worry about the little things so much – regardless of how difficult that is for me; but, it’s a work in progress.
This semester was more on how terrible my professors performed and taught. More specifically, just one professor – he was just flat out awful, and shouldn’t be allowed to teach. The material wasn’t difficult, per say, but the way he just organized the class and exams was unacceptable. He was very derogatory and unfair, especially when it came down to his mistakes.
I remember, on one exam, he provided us 5 wrong answer choices, but refused to give us back any points. He stated that we should’ve picked the least wrong answer choice – which was very subjective, depending on your views. Not only that, he assigned us a written report stating that we were to write a maximum of five pages; however, he deducted points for those who did not reach five pages. He lectured us on how we didn’t pay attention to the instructions or him. It was not a fun class, and just full of biased opinions from my professor.
He did not value us as students, nor as future scientists, doctors, allied health professionals, etc. which we aspire to be. Instead, he validated his opinions over our own, or other professionals, because he is a “scientist.” – which is utterly biased and an opinion, regardless.
This semester, I ended up withdrawing from my second semester of anatomy and physiology lecture because I was at risk of potentially making a low GPA, which was not acceptable for any graduate schools I plan to apply to. Fortunately, my professor (who is also the lab coordinator) allowed me to stay within my lab section, which is usually not allowed by standard protocol in my department of education.
I hung out with friends more, and became more involved in my organizations as a leader. I felt healthier, and happier, and worked hard to overcome my short-comings.
For spring break, Colin was able to come with me and my family to Breckenridge, CO, and we were able to take a week to just enjoy ourselves. During this time, I was able to obtain a technician job, which is a wonderful benefit for my resume, while at the same time, gaining experience in the field.
By the end of this semester, I was able to raise my GPA beyond what it was before the catastrophic 2016 fall semester. I got the most amount of A’s that I’ve ever received in a semester, and was super close to being on the dean’s list.
Overall, this year was defiantly my hardest year in all my school years – which is a lot. I think I’ve grown a lot in this past year through the year’s internal and external struggles. I’ve learned to somewhat let go of the one bad class (again, still working on it), and I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s okay to not get into graduate school right after receiving my bachelors.
I am very meticulous when it comes to when I want to meet certain milestones in my life, such as: finishing school, getting married, and having my first child, etc. But, I’ve somewhat accepted the fact that it’s okay to not have such an itinerary for my life, especially when it comes to my education.
I still have a fear that I am going to relapse into what I was in the fall, and early spring, but I’m sure with the continued support from Colin, my family, and friends, I’ll be able to make it through my last two years of my undergrad.
If you guys would like a deeper, more in depth, story time about certain parts in my school life, feel free to let me know! I don’t mind sharing all the crazy stuff that surrounds my everyday life. If not, that’s fine too, but I would like to keep up with my yearly review so I can look back at them one day.
Until Next Time xoxo